folsom pwison

animals i’d like to see trade body parts

a few musings on biology:

i think that an elephants trunk would look fabulous on golden retriever. somewhat evocative of eeyore, if you can imagine what i’m seeing in my domepiece.

a platypus would look totally righteous if he/she traded that duck bill for a pelican bill. all sorts of secrets and trickery could be stored within.

take away that armadillo shell and give it to someone that could really use it for good. a bunny. turns a bun-bun from easy prey to an ultimate fighting machine.

eagles deserve pterodactyl wings. enough said.

get rid of those wimpy arms on lobsters and make all their legs claws. sure, they’d move slower, but it’d mean i could catch more and when i did … it’d be tastier.

the ability to spit venom like that dinosaur in jurassic park would also be crazy to see on a lion.

and lastly, this isn’t a body part exactly. but i’d love to see a wolverine that had the mouth of a flamethrower. or simply, a wolverine that could breathe fire.

also a wooly mammoth with a mohawk.

looking out for chris walken

dear christopher walken,


it's come to my attention that the bakery around the corner of my apartment is using your likeness in an attempt to sell more bread. I can only assume that they're doing this without your consent - if only because you would have no reason to get involved with the bread business in astoria, queens. this bakery is desimone bakery, located on 23rd avenue.


i'd like to introduce into evidence 'exhibit a' and 'exhibit b':

i believe this is a blatent attempt to use your likeness, but what's particularly deceiving is the fact that desimone bakery is trying to slip one by us by using your 70s look. this is clearly supposed to be you, circa 'deer hunter' (plus the beautiful mustache you had around the time of your oscar win). 'exhibit c':

now. i am by no means suggesting you take physical action against the bakery. or legal action. heck, for all i know, you may already be getting paid licensing rights or getting a chunk of the dough (tee hee pun). this is just me, a concerned fan, looking out for a righteous dude.

mr. walken - if you'd like more information on the bakery, or just to talk to me and share what we're thinking about, our dreams, our fears, whatever ... contact me. i got some time i could spare.

p.s. 'deer hunter' totally kicks ass. no joke.

which one really looks like the better movie?

orrr

YOU be the judge.

glenn beck total douche, stephen colbert total dude.

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politics and socks

a ruggish dilemna.

when i moved into my apartment last summer, i wanted a rug for my wood floors. i decided on buying a cheap rug at ikea that was made for toddlers - a play rug with roads to move toy cars along. i was drawn to it immediately, possibly for how irrational it is to have one road lead to a volcano, igloo, beach and sports stadium in one 5x5 area.

six months later, the thing is disgusting. it's been cleaned a trillion times but looks like garbage. i also stained it with a fruit punch/vodka combination i spilled at 5 a.m. one night while listening to the soundtrack of 'the sun also rises' on vinyl (long story).

which brings me to my point of this story:
bear rugs are freaking expensive.

i wouldn't actually consider buying a real one, but a fake one that looked realistic would be freaking sweet. i don't give a shit about the animal rights argument even a fake bear skin rug would support killing an animal. i agree with that about ridiculous fur coats, but the argument doesn't stand based solely on the fact that bears skin rugs are totally awesome.

the price tags for the real things are honestly in the $5,000 ballpark. that's so nonsensical it's almost seussian. the fake ones totally blow and are kind of horrifying - they look like someone made a rug out of a carnival prize teddy bear. and even the best looking one of those costs about a grand.

it is my true hope that i will track down an inexpensive, realistic looking faux bear skin rug, preferably in the near future.

hey. a girl can dream.